Perfect Weather: The Definitive Blog Posting

No one loves to small talk about the weather more than Canadians. We love it so much that we can even turn it into serious all-consuming conversation with the potential for hostile debate! Since I'd love to see a good flame war erupt in the comments of this blog, I'm going for broke: my definition of the perfect day.


Okay, actually, there's really only one thing I hate when it comes to weather.

Rain is draining, sure, but it's not the worst thing; the plants seem to love it.

Snow is certain to induce a sore back for anyone who has ever shovelled to the end of the drive only to realize that they are going to have to shovel a path back to the house for hot chocolate, but this doesn't bother me one bit because when it snows that much I'm probably just shovelling my way to the nearest tobogganing hill!

What bothers me the most is unbearable heat and humidity at night. It can get hotter than Hades during the day just so long as it cools down into the teens (in Celsius) when I'm trying to sleep. If it gets colder overnight then I'll just grab a sheet/blanket/duvet/thermal-underwear. It's no big deal. If the temperature doesn't go above 15 in the day, then I'll think about wearing pants. Again, no big deal - and that says a lot, because I hate pants with a passion!

But what am I to do when the temperature is in the 20's, and the humidex makes it feel like the 30's? Or worse, temperature in the 30's and humidex into the 40's??? I usually have one fan pointing straight up my body over my feet, and another panning back and forth over my body. The cat is glued to my side and shedding fur that combines with my sweat like a variation of tarring and feathering. Neither of us is happy and we're both having restless nightmares about Paul Revere. What are we to do? Shave our fur? Drain our sweat glands? Ride through the Massachusetts night?

So, I have a humble request for Summer. I'm okay with the fact that it's the hottest season. I enjoy the excessive daytime radiation, I really do. I don't want Summer to be like Fall or Spring or Winter, which are all perfect as they already are. It has to unique, that solitary Summer, but wouldn't it be great if Summer turned the heat down the second the sun sets -the earth spins so that the sun is no longer visible? Something in the mid to high teens would be perfect. In exchange for this simple modification to Summer's temperature variation I'm sure we could get people to stop using their air conditioners 24-7. I'm sure Summer's cousins Ozone and the Ice Caps would really appreciate this. It would be win-win-win; everyone would win like a tee ball game with no scorekeeper or naptime in a kindergarden class!